Drinking and Dating: Walking the Tightrope

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No, this is not an evangelistic tirade against all things alcoholic. And not me giving you a scolding for over doing it from time to time. I’m the last guy on Earth to do that. I love a good cocktail, from time to time. But this article is about TIMING. If you are going to have a drink or two, make sure it is working to your advantage, especially in your dating life.

I’m writing this article the day after St. Patrick’s Day. I cannot think of a better time to broach this particular topic. Many of you are reading this right now through blurry bloodshot eyes, lying half catatonic, awash in green beads, half drunken green beer mugs, and slept-in fake orange facial hair leaving you now resembling a Picasso-esque portrait of the world’s most deranged Leprechaun.

Hey, I’m not judging! On some days, I will be the first to don the ceremonial drinking hat and throw down with the best of them.

I love me a good old fashioned craic! (pronounced “crack” it’s Gaelic for “party”)

If you have followed me for some time, you know that I am quite a Foodie and I loves me some red wine. I have toured wineries around the globe and quite certain I have over imbibed more than my fair share. What can I say, I love life and I like to party! We spent a month over in Italy for our Honeymoon last year and were drinking scads of wine every single day. It is not uncommon in Europe to have a couple glasses of wine with lunch and more with dinner.

This is the point where I say, responsibly, that if you are an adult, and you decide to indulge, responsibly, in the beverages du alcohol (that might be French), that you do so responsibly.

But even when you think you drink responsibly, you might still be screwing up your chances with the women you desire.

Case in point. In full disclosure, after my divorce and losing everything, I fell into a very deep pit of loneliness, despair, and not a small bit of drinking. I have done incredibly stupid things under the influence, of which I'm definitely not proud. I screwed up several sexy encounters with amazing women that, had I been sober-er, would have been worthy of letters to Penthouse magazine. But the drink took its toll.

As I like to say, I let my full Irish out.

Hey, I’m a mutt, I have German, English, Scottish, Irish, Cherokee and Blackfoot Indian in my blood. You tell me which of those are teetotalers!

That, of course, is no excuse for overdoing it, drinking to excess, or falling in to full blown alcoholism. If you feel you are having serious problems with your drinking, you most definitely need to seek help. Your friends are the best arbiters of info. Most people let your boorish behavior slide until it gets really bad, but if you are serious about your dating success, you need to keep that in check. And your friends will tell you, but you have to be grown up enough to ask.

Having a couple of drinks on a date can be a really good thing. It lets inhibitions slide a bit, relaxes you both, and enhances the meal (when chosen correctly). A nice glass of wine after dinner, while chatting on the couch, can be the pathway to a very saucy evening indeed. But one glass too many, can kill the evening completely.

Here are a couple of tips on keeping your mojo working while enjoying a nice adult beverage or two.

1. Stick with a predetermined amount for your date.

I like to stick with one bottle of red wine for my dinners. I can easily down a full bottle in one sitting, but that can get iffy depending on the brand. I can become irritable, annoying, or worse. But a bottle is only about 2.5 glasses a person, and over the course of the night with a full meal, that is seldom an issue. Whatever your drink of choice, know your limits and stick to them. The consequences of overindulgence are never good and can kill an otherwise perfect evening.

2. If you are out and about with friends, have a drinking “safety word.”

Like I said, your friends will tell you when you have had enough. If you have been dating someone for awhile, they can be your sober buddy if need be. You just have to agree beforehand and be open and honest enough with each other to hold each other accountable. For example, if you start to get rowdy, they might say to you, “Purple Butter Fluffer Nutter.” Which is hard to stick in normal conversation. (Bonus points for anyone who knows this reference).

Safety words can be tricky if you drink too much, as you suddenly decide you are all knowing and invincible, and anyone who tells you otherwise is killing your buzz or calling you out. This is when you have turned into a drunken ass. Avoid this by being responsible and nipping it in the bud before it is a problem.

3. Avoid email, texting, and all social media at all costs! Especially if you are home alone.

I love a nice evening alone, just enjoying a fine Cabernet, a succulent steak, and a great movie – Sci Fi usually. On nights like these, I know I am not driving, so I am free to indulge a bit. As long as I don’t run pantsless down the street shrieking profanities, a la Mel Gibson, I am hurting no one, except my own liver. However, these days, being alone does not necessarily mean you are alone. And this moment is quite possibly the most dangerous time for you.

If you decide, after a few too many drinks, to reach out and share your desires, pet peeves, or adamant righteous anger at idiots who wear knitted baggy skull caps on sunny 80 degree days, you will never be able to take it back. It is now out in the ether for all to see. Forever. And if you attempt any communication with a potential love interest at this time, you may very well destroy any chance of future success. I know this from first hand experience.

If you are enjoying a night just for you, then do that. Turn off your phone, computers, and any outside communication. Just drink your wine, eat your steak, and watch your movie. ALONE! You will be very happy the next morning when you don’t have to remember what the hell you said, to your love interest or the entire universe, the night before.

Again, if you are having a real problem and need help with your drinking, go get it. If you are like me, and had a down time in your life and went a bit haywire, friends can keep you in check and bring you back to life. But you have to be open and honest with yourself. Enjoy your drinks as you like. Just be strategic and make sure that what you are drinking is an enhancement to your meals, not a detrimental crutch you need to get through the night.

Keep Spicin It Up,